Feeling like you are broke all the time? No matter what you do, you never have enough money? Have the feeling that things always out of reach for you? You probably have become so familiar with having no money that it has become your way of life. Maybe you are just not meant to have money?
Not true! Here is 10 things you are probably (consciously or unconsciously) thinking that make you push money away.
Whether you realize it or not, your thoughts and beliefs around money shape your reality. It is very sneaky, because some things you think, say or believe you don’t even realize are related to money at all.
#1 It Makes You More Likeable
Having no money makes you kinda cute? There is something ‘childlike’ and ‘innocent’ about having no money. Many women (often unconsciously) fall into that trap. Psychologically, it triggers the protective instinct in others and they feel like they are being taken care of. That’s the same reason why people like to complain because it gives them attention at their own little pity party.
Others are proud of being broke, thinking there is something noble in their deprived lifestyle, making it look like they chose this philosophy because they have higher aspirations than chasing money.
Or maybe everyone just knows you that way. You had no money growing up, then as a student you blended in perfectly because everybody was in the same situation as you.
This is how your friends and family know you and you think our friends will like you more when you stay the same.
It makes you more relatable and ‘down to earth’ when you don’t have money and don’t care about money.
But you can just decide to be the same person, just with more money.
#2 It is Easy to Use Money as an Excuse
“I don’t have time” or “I don’t have money” are the best excuses ever invented.
It is very easy to say you can’t afford it, because with anything money-related, people usually understand. Everybody can relate to some extent, we have all been there.
The story “I have no money” is very believable, and in many cases we believe it ourselves.
Most often though, it is not true. Do some soul-searching and the next time you want to say “I can’t because I have no money”, think about if this is really true.
And watch out what you say because whatever you say out loud, you affirm every single time. Your words become your reality.
The truth is: if you think it is possible, you will make it possible.
#3 You Have Never Experienced Being Rich
You had no money growing up, you had no money as a student. Then you got your first job and started making some money, but somehow, it still never seems enough.
Having no money has become your identity and it is the only reality you know. You got used to that particular lifestyle.
I don’t know about you, but having money is having options – and that is awesome!
I take inspiration from people who can do whatever they want because they have no money problems.
#4 You Are Afraid of Change
The truth is, we as humans are terrified of change. Again, our brain loves familiarity, so we keep repeating the past.
It is very easy to stay in your comfort zone, because (to your brain) that feels like the safest thing to do.
The thing is: change happens anyway, whether you do something or not. But you can take into your own hands and create the future you want. But it is gonna take some effort on your part. To create new results, you need think and do things differently.
#5 You Are Scared of What Others Will Think of You
It is very common to sell yourself under value because if how you think others see you. Being scared other people won’t like us anymore because we “have changed” is normal. Our primitive, primal brain making sure we don’t get rejected by your tribe, which in caveman times meant sure death. It is the natural programming of out brains to seek acceptance and fit in.
My own story is full of situations where I was pushing success away or sabotaged my own life to fit into someone else’s grid. I kinda felt wrong to raise above the average standard of my family and friends. I was a classic people pleaser and didn’t want to become the target of envy and resentment.
However, trying to please everyone and staying where you are doesn’t hurt anyone but yourself.
Check out my blog post on how to deal with envy for more details on this topic.
#6 You Are Addicted to the ‘Wanting’ of Things
Another common sabotaging phrase is “Must be nice to…” or “If only I could…”.
Feel the nuance of negativity attached to these sentences? You are telling yourself you cannot have these things.
Whatever we want is usually what we don’t yet have. It always seems slightly out of reach. It is addicitve to wanting things but never go the little extra mile to actually get it. The reason is that your brain likes familiarity and will look for evidence that you cannot have it. So will always not have it. Makes sense?
Constant wanting but remaining in inaction will keep you in victim mode forever. Victim mentality is blaming external circumstances for your reality. And what you don’t feel is in your power to change, will never change.
Make your ‘wants’ actual goals and take the steps to get there. Train your brain to do find solutions, not excuses.
#7 You Think Rich People are A**holes
And you are afraid you’re gonna be one, too and nobody will like you (see above).
You have an image of a ‘rich person’ in your head, and most likely, it is not a good one. The media usually show the worst stereotypes of the rich, stigmatizing wealth as something that spoils people.
If everyone around you is broke, living an average life seems like the most natural thing.
I have met very wealthy people who were the wisest, most generous and modest people I know. And I have met a lot of broke assholes.
Somebody’s net worth does not define their character. Money enhances whatever you already are. You can decide to be the coolest, kindest rich bitch that ever existed.
#8 You Are Afraid of People Wanting Your Money
I hear that one a lot! They say “When you have money, everyone wants a chunk of it.”
It is a very common belief that once you get money, everyone will come and take it from you: friends in ‘need’, the tax authorities… It is the belief that you can never win.
First of all, I think you are not afraid of people asking you, but of the discomfort of saying No. (And you won’t have the excuse of not having money anymore.) The fear of pushing people away is omnipresent in our lives.
Second, thinking you cannot give because there’s going to be less for you, is a scarcity mindset.
Think about why you afraid of that and if it is really true. In most cases, it is just what broke people say to justify (unconsciously) they have no money. Again, the brain is just confirming what they already believe is true.
You can have money and give money and still have enough.
#9 You Think Money is Evil
Overcoming the belief that money (or the pursuit of it) is evil, was one of the biggest obstacles I had to overcome in my own money story.
Coming from a traditional Christian family, I’ve heard “The love of money is the root of all evil” pounding in head for many years. I was taught to focus on ‘real’ values and pursuing money is shallow. Or that rich people were just lucky or got their money because of a scam. That too much money distances you from God. I did not know how to be a person who builds a better future and make God a priority; how to create a life I want and follow my God-given path in life. That conflict kept me stuck in confusion for an unnecessarily long time.
And here I am, telling people to love their money. In my opinion, money is the most instant and most efficient tool to help others.
Today I understand that prosperity is a reflection of how much good you have done to other people, and how much value you added to other people’s lives.
#10 You Don’t Know How to Have Money
You make money, save money or spend money. But have you ever learned how to have money?
Many people are money hoarders because they are afraid it is going to go away. Others spend it to the last dime once the paycheck comes in because they are scared the source will somehow dry out. Both come from high scarcity thinking. They think money is limited, so they have to use it or do something with it (spend, invest, save).
If you want to have money, you need to learn to be comfortable having money. It sounds odd, but most people don’t know how to have money.
A Final Note: Staying Broke is a Choice
All in all, being (and staying) broke is an identity; it is just a story you keep telling yourself.
This is the main reason why lottery winners end up broke again shortly after winning the jackpot: because they haven’t changed their identity. On the inside, they are still broke. No amount of money can fix that. You need to work on your money story and your inherent beliefs around having money.
Break the habit of being a broke person and start living the life you really want for yourself.
I recommend having a money journal and start getting more aware of how you think, feel or speak around money. You can download the gorgeous Money Journal Template (including 111 journal prompts!) here.
What is your money story? Did you have any beliefs that influenced your finances?